Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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