The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
