I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
