You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
