Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sober January is a disaster.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
