if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
