i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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