1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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