she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
