We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
