btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He has the fingertips of a God
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
