I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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