I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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