He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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