areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What a dumb baby whore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
