yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
