She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
