That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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