so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My vagina is officially offended.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
