Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
