it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
