The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
