Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
