oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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