420 ftw
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
