please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
