Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
