he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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