turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
