somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
