So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
