I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You're my little dorito
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
