My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
