so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
