Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
