Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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