Your tits are I can't wait for
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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