I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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