You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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