I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
