You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
