Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
