I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
50% drunk capacity currently
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
