who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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