My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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