i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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