margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
