i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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