So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
