you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
