Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
