Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
