Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
