So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
